Big Truck Across America - day 13, home

So we finally got to this point, the final day. We had debated whether to break it up, but since we were just headed home and didn't really have a must-see destination in Nebraska, Iowa, or northern Illinois, we decided we would do a straight shot home. Sounded reasonable at the time.

Leaving Fort Collins, we saw a few weather reports that mentioned wind advisories for eastern CO and all of Nebraska. This time, the weather report was accurate. For the next 6-7hrs, we dealt with 30mph crosswinds, all the while chasing a giant storm system that was working its way through the midwest. At one point the sky looked like a scene from Ghostbusters "There is no Dana, only Zuul".

This was the same storm system that was apparently severe enough to cause both postponements and cancellations of muliple NCAA football games, most notably Michigan's domination of noted MAC power WMU. No word on whether all of the players were given one of these in lieu of an actual win or loss.


One interesting experience in this particular cross country venture was that we happened to be driving through Big Ten country precisely when most of the schools opened up their season. We drove through Lincoln, NE and Iowa City, IA, and Jordan put up just about as much of a fight as each of their opponents did.

Once we got to Illinois, it seemed to make a bit more sense that Blagojevich was only the latest of 4 former governors of this state to go to prison. There were construction barrels literally from one border to the other, and at midnight on a holiday weekend, the speed limit was 45mph with 6 lanes open and no actual construction taking place. Of course, there were plenty of cruisers present to make sure none of the absentee workers were in danger. If not for this, we could have made record time. As it was, the Big Truck appeared to have done pretty well by this point:

You could image achieving that top speed was a bit challenging. As it turns out, that speed was obtained by another vehicle in our garage, one with a slightly more favorable aerodynamic profile. What was challenging, however, was maintaining this position for 18+ hours and 1160 miles.

We did arrive safely just before 4am, and were pleasantly surprised and relieved to see our house still intact. With minimal unpacking, we headed inside and crashed for a few hours. Jordan celebrated our return by climbing into our bed and kicking me in the back for the rest of the night.

Waking up with no sense of day, time, or location, we set out to pick up Reggie, someone that Jordan had been increasingly missing the past few days. There are few antidotes to masculinity more effective than a 3 year old quivering her lip through an "I miss my doggy" meltdown. Within the hour, they were reunited.

Huge thanks to Mike and Carol for taking care of Reggie while we were gone. He got to hang out with his best friend (other than Kimberly) Aspen, and was excited to get home & resume chasing birds away from the feeder on the deck.

All told, it was a very successful trip. No health issues, no mechanical breakdowns (other than the minor valvestem scare), no Johnny Law, and lodging was available at every stop along the way. I realize you may not care, but as an engineer, I tracked our stats and am not going to go through all that trouble without posting them. I'll keep it brief.

Total days - 13
Total miles - 5555.5 (not kidding), avg 427/day
Total hours driving - 97, avg 7.5/day
Total gallons of gas - 617, avg 47.5/day
Average speed (while moving): 57.1mph
Total neckbeards: 1 (not shaving for 2 weeks is about as anti-establishment as I get these days)
Souvenirs: numerous, including rocks, an X-wing, a pink stuffed fish, and a lizard made of rebar and rocker arms)

5 National Parks, 2 State Parks, 4 RV parks, and 1 home (Thanks again, Whitlocks!) served as destinations. We averaged a shade over 9mpg, which is pretty impressive given all the mountain driving and the winds on the return trip. Can't say enough about the Big Truck, no issues, handled great, and although we plan to make a few minor modifications, it met our needs very well.

We'd like to thank our family & friends for checking in on us, offering support/prayers/encouragement, and helping out while we were gone. This has been an incredible experience, and if any of you are thinking about taking the leap and heading across the country, I can't recommend it enough, especially as a family. As a closing shot, the most fitting one I could find comes from our furthest point from home, and it sums up the experience rather nicely - somewhat unplanned, a bit off center, but amazing scenery and 3 smiles.

Big Truck Across America - day 12

Day 12 began with all 3 of us sleeping in - so far for the trip this is the first time we've all slept past 7:30am (consider the whip not cracked). It also marks only the second time thus far that we've stayed in the same place for 2 consecutive days (Zion was the other).

As you can see, one of us got a very good night's sleep, and apparently is also a large fan of Flock of Seagulls, or Donald Trump.

With a late morning start, Jordan had a lot of energy, and had just enough taste of the playground to be addicted. After calming her down through her morning routine, we made a break for it. She may have outrun Usain Bolt to get to the swingset.

Jordan put me through the paces at the playground, and after about a half hour of it, her friend from the previous day (named Mikayla - no substitute for the real 'Tia' back home) brought her dog Daisy over and they all played for a while.

From there, today took a bit of a different turn. After 11 days of parks, hikes, camping, and the Big Truck eating miles, we decided it was time for some good old fashioned consumerism. Fort Collins has an REI store, something we are online members of but there are no stores anywhere close to GR. We stopped by there and spent quite a while checking out all of their gear. Nearly 2 weeks of outdoor recreation had given us a pretty good idea what we needed, and with some remarkable restraint, we left there with just the essentials.

This next little anecdote needs a bit of a sidebar to set it up. As some of you know, I own a '94 DR350 that has been stolen, run over by a combine, recovered, and stripped from its streetgoing SE roots to a more dirt-friendly enduro-style bike. Well, on the way out of the store I saw what the DR aspires to be when it grows up. Whoever was piloting this beast is to be commended, taking a slow, underpowered pig and loading it up with a hundred lbs+ worth of gear for some sort of undoubtedly cool adventure. I bet his doesn't have a cross-threaded spark plug and scars from a farm implement.



For a 3 year old spending more than an hour in the same store, Jordan was fairly well behaved until she embraced her inner klepto and tried to make a break for it with Kayak Joe. I was just quick enough to grab her by one heel and trigger a nice meltdown as I explained the finer points of transaction vs possession to her in the checkout line. Once back in the big truck, she was able to enjoy her new Jamaican-themed kayak action figure.

One of my underlying goals once we made it to Colorado was to try to find an excuse to visit New Belgium Brewery. It's not that I am an undying fan of their beers, although I do enjoy their Abbey Ale. It's that I appreciate their ability to market and create a culture around their business. They have become known for being bike-friendly (hence their signature beverage, Fat Tire Ale) and proponents of sustainability. Any time those two things come together, enter the hipsters. The tasting room was full of them, with their ironic t-shirts, horn-rimmed glasses, and pricey duds made to appear thrift store-ish. In spite of them, the operation was quite impressive, and they have become a pretty successful player in the industry.

In keeping with our non-traditional day, we stopped back at the campsite for a quick nap for Jordan, then it was on to the outlet stores. I realize most people are not in the habit of hitting outlets while on a 2 week camping trip, but it was part of the deal from day 1. Rather then try to shoehorn a Michigan City stop into tomorrow's likely 18hr day (more on that in a minute), we decided to hit the Loveland CO Outlet Mall.

As we left, we were reminded yet again how spoiled we have become. This was our vista while leaving the State Park for a shopping center 3 miles away.

Once there, Jordan and I split off from Kimberly to allow her to properly focus. After wandering around for a bit, we met back up in a Carter's outlet store. Jordan immediately put her newfound Lego skills (thanks, $59 Legoland child admission) to work by building a tower using all available pieces.

Meanwhile, Kimberly put her extreme couponing skills to the test by walking out with 3 bags full of stuff for $40. Dutch West Michigan: 1, Loveland, CO: 0.

Tomorrow, Day 13, brings a likely straight shot home (Loveland, CO to Marne, MI 1,160 miles). The last couple of days have included a few reminders that although life on the road is great, there are things back home that we miss and are excited to see. Jordan misses (in no particular order) Reggie, Grandma, Papa, Papa B, purple cabbage, her cousins/aunts/uncles, preschool, Michigan Football (she loves Brady Hoke - or maybe that's me) and her bedroom. If all goes well, we'll be home sometime Sunday AM. Expect one more wrapup post with some trip stats and some thank yous. So far it has been the trip of a lifetime.

Big Truck Across America - day 11

Day 11 started fairly early, as we packed up in Moab (love this town) and got ready for Arches National Park. After coming from Sedona yesterday, it was apparent that Moab residents were more about activity and adventure than pretense. The town itself is pretty nondescript, but the setting is beautiful and the people seem like they're all on some sort of mission - Jeeping, biking, hiking, etc.

Just outside of all of the adventure-rental shops littered with dirt bikes, Razors, Rubicons, and mountain bikes lies Arches National Park. The visitor's center there is nice, fairly modern, and had some cool interactive displays for Jordan.

However, I found the coolest thing about the visitors center to be in the parking lot. The Jeep that I have been formulating in my head for about 7 years was sitting right in front of me. I won't go into the list of modifications it had (probably north of $15k), but it had me drooling long enough to snap a few shots & ask Kim to go check it out as well.

As we were leaving, I had a brilliant idea to back the Big Truck up to the Jeep so I could get a shot of what it will look like when we build our Jeep and tow it around the country. As I was articulating this can't miss plan to Kim, I looked over to see the owner getting in the Jeep. This is where I saw several holes in my plan. The owner looked like a cross between the Simpsons comic book guy and Mickey Jones, perhaps the most famous "Isn't that the guy from..." actor around. If you don't believe me, check his IMDB credits. I also once met him in a Cincinnati airport, where he was having a beer with Principal Belding. But I digress...



With the future towing setup photoshoot derailed, we headed into the park for some hiking and sightseeing. We probably took 200 pictures, so I'll pare it down to a few from Delicate Arch and a couple from Double Arch. Jordan liked the rocks, and she has invented a game where all forms of shrubbery are apparently out to get us and cannot be trusted. It's more fun than it sounds.

With the hikes and pictures complete, we piled back in and set out for Loveland, CO - just outside Ft. Collins and about 500 miles away. We then proceeded to drive for nearly 7.5hrs without a stop. When you're on the road that long, conversations tend to cover some interesting topics, such as "Is it wrong to serve your daughter ham on a little piggy plate?"

What helped to break up the day shift of driving was the sight of actual green vegetation, and the kind that doesn't smell like dried urine. The past few parks we've driven through have had groves of hemlocks & other pines whose needles have an odor resembling urine. Go ahead, Google it. Nothing makes an RV owner more paranoid than tooling through a ritzy resort town and catching a whiff of sewage. Kimberly finally put us at ease today by doing some research - and hopefully cutting down on Jordan's random outbursts of "STEEEENKS!!" Anyway, here's a shot of the fresh-smelling fauna.

Our lodging destination for the day was Boyd Lake State Park, and it was a welcome sight. Even more welcome to a certain 3 year old was a - you guessed it - playground. She dragged her mom through the slides, tunnel thingy, and had me up there as well until she met a few new friends who came over to play. Since my playground picture didn't turn out, I'll substitute one that shows just how much of an innocence veneer she is able to project while plotting to take over the world.

Finally, after all of that we treated ourselves to the one taste of home that we could find out here. Jordan knows it as 'the balloon place', although this one was lacking in both balloons and other children. There was a Broncos-Cardinals preseason game on, and Brady Quinn looked sooo bad it prompted Kim to say - "this reminds me of what it used to feel like watching the Lions."  That's right, USED TO!! Anyway, here's our home away from home.

Tomorrow will bring some combination of a visit to REI, possibly Estes Park, New Belgium Brewery (home of Fat Tire Ale), and there just so happens to be a set of outlet stores right down the street from the State Park she chose. Weird.

Big Truck Across America - day 10

So we're really up to 10 days.  This must be what it feels like to not have to work, because entering the midpoint of the 2nd week sure feels great.

The campground we stayed at in Sedona has to be the nicest so far, with one notable exception.  The cicadas are soooo loud, it sounds like a combination of 1,000,000 maracas, Jason Voorhees's entrance music, and a Harrier engine. Luckily I was able to explain to a terrified Jordan that there was nothing to be afraid of, because although the sound may be a bit frightening, these harmless insects just look like this when you see them up close.

For those of you that understood the Bottomtooth reference when discussing the Hampton-esque pretentiousness of Sedona, you will appreciate this. The campground bathrooms were immaculately kept, even the stalls came equipped with reading material. As I started my morning, I perused their copies of Bloomberg Businessweek, The Economist, and OUT. Yep - that's what I said. No wonder the place was so clean.

After leaving the campground, we cruised into uptown Sedona to hit their shopping district. I peeled off for a bit to mail some postcards, and while I was gone Jordan got in some classic poses.

On the way out of Sedona, we followed the same Oak Creek Canyon Road discussed in yesterday's post, where certain people may or may not have exceeded the speed limit while testing the limits of their 2 wheeled mode of transport.  Not today, and as this approached on the GPS,

I finally got to experience what it might feel like to take these corners on a Harley, although the E350 may have an advantage on cornering clearance and lean angle. Here's a shot looking back at the road.



The next point of interest outside Sedona and Flagstaff was Monument Valley, and as we approached it (nestled just north of the Arizona/Utah border on AZ163) we realized that we were approaching one of the desert squalls that sometimes doesn't even reach the ground. This one did, and it provided an impressive backdrop of geology mixed with meteorology (yep - nerdometer pegged again)

Not far beyond Monument Valley is another grouping of formations known as Valley of the Gods. We settled for some drive-by pics, since I remembered going through the ~17 mile dirt road loop on my motorcycle years ago, and the Big Truck would not have fared well on the wet red pottery clay that makes up these monuments. The formations are visually stunning, and this photo does them no justice.



While we were motoring through all of these geological wonders, Jordan was plugging away on her Barbie laptop, setting up a nice little nest with her iTouch (Spongebob videos + hopelessly rearranging Daddy's apps while deleting the rest) and her Kitty plate. What did I just type, what has happened to me...

The next and most unlikely portion of the day started to take shape about an hour outside of Moab. After doing zero research other than watching 2 preseason Lions games and getting waaay too optimistic about their season (watch your TVs on Oct 10, I'll be at their first Monday Night game in 20 years - responsible behavior is sure to follow), I had my first of 3 fantasy football drafts in less than an hour.

There are wives, then there are wives that appreciate and accept you for who you are, and then there are wives that will help you pre-rank your fantasy draft while in the middle of the Utah desert in case the mobile internet connection isn't sufficient. This is the Holy Grail of those wives, in full "Why don't you take Ray Rice over Adrian Petersen, it's a point-per-reception league and Petersen will have Donovan McNabb hitting him in the back of the knees coming out of the backfield in the flat" mode:

With about 45 seconds to spare before my 2nd overall pick, we found a rest area in Podunk Utah, and things were going great until a temporary disconnection resulted in me mistakenly taking Hakeem Nicks about 3 rounds too early. After that, the ship was righted, and a sure fantasy football juggernaut was born.

After all of that, the day seemed like it was fairly productive, and that feeling was confirmed as we rounded the last bend on our approach to Moab. There aren't too many images more inviting than this after 2 hrs of shopping followed by 8+ hrs on the road, and at this point we were all too ready to be welcomed.

Day 11 will begin with a bit of indecision. Do we stay here for a day, ride a few trails and relax, or head up to Loveland/Ft Collins area and give ourselves a few more options? If these are the tough choices, sign us up for more. 



Big Truck Across America - day 9

Day 9 - I could get used to this.  We awoke to the sound of the ocean (not this Ocean), piled out the door and watched a few surfers catching some early morning rollers.

We packed up our souvenir rocks (all the better to improve our 9.5mpg), banged out a quick Randy Quaid, and started the first leg of our return trip - San Diego (pronounced dee-ah-go) to Marne, MI. Seems like we left home about 3 weeks ago, we've both forgotten about our jobs and are convinced that we need to find a way to do this for a living.  Buuut... after seeing all the aging hippies in our campground this morning, that may not be the best decision just yet.

It took about an hour to get the Big Truck out of city driving (you have not driven until you have a wandering motorhome being cut off in 8 lanes of stop & go traffic with out of state plates), and when we finally made it to the foothills of eastern CA, we ran into more of the evil windmills. Close up they appear to be out of a bad Michael Bay movie (redundant), and it's only a matter of time until one of them works its way into a Final Destination sequel.

Beyond the windmills was another peculiarity - neither of us had ever seen anything like it.  The mountains around us as we approached the AZ border appeared to be just giant rockpiles. This went on for miles - so long that I started looking for facial features, just waiting for Ben Grimm (let the nerd comments flow) to appear.  See for yourself.

As we proceeded into Arizona, we got within sight of the USA-Mexico border (here's a border patrol station, the border is just beyond)

I was half expecting to be stopped by Sheriff Joe Arpaio, and then we rounded the bend and there was a mandatory border patrol checkpoint right in the middle of the highway. Once the border patrol officer realized that we couldn't possibly be more American (consuming fossil fuels at ludicrous speeds, pasty white & sunburned at the same time, and driving a Ford), he let us by without even asking for our papers or staging us at an internment camp.

Up ahead we saw a sign saying "Avoid overheating, turn off A/C next 5 miles on 6% grade", so I checked the weather forecast for Yuma and discovered that it was only supposed to get to 112 degrees. That's when the genious of the Ford engineers really paid off. Where is the best possible place for cupholders in a vehicle? Why not directly above the engine, and if you're going to put them there, why not space them out laterally so each can be directly over its own exhaust manifold? We have started timing it - a giant gas station 64oz big gulp full of ice will melt in under 10 minutes. Reason #1,000 that design engineers should be sentenced to use their own products for eternity.

Coming into Phoenix, we realized that everything looks like it has been built in the last 10 years. Either the taxes at Bill Knapp's and Menard's out here are enormous, or LifeAlert has a franchise on every corner.  We then passed University of Phoenix Stadium, home of the NFL Arizona Cardinals.

It started to make sense. If every highway overpass/access ramp is meticulously landscaped and manicured, why wouldn't those same financial savants give this guy $65M for 6 years after watching him throw 6 passes?

Our final destination was just north of Sedona, and it turns out that it is on Oak Creek Canyon road, which is exactly the same road that I raced an M3 convertible at 6:30am 9 years ago on my bike trip. Here is a small section of the road that should help you understand how much fun (and horribly irresponsible, Jordan - when you learn how to read) that was.

Anywho, just before we got to our campground, we needed to get groceries so we Garmin'd a grocery store and found one just 2 miles away. That 2 miles put us right in the heart of the Sedona shopping district. If you've never been there, let's just say that we stood out. An RV with a paint job of bug guts, red dirt, and 36 different gas station windshield washer fluid colors rolling into a Williams-Sonoma catalog apparently creates a bit of a reaction. The disapproving stares started immediately in the parking lot. My backward hat and
Kyle Orton-esque neckbeard were not to be tolerated in this 'burg.

Once we got to the campground, we quickly set up so we could get to Jordan's prize. At Legoland we had gotten her a Spongebob set (Patrick's Krabby Patty Kar, the Krusty Krab, Spongebob and Mr. Krabs) but didn't want her to lose all the pieces at the beach, so tonight was the night. We commenced with the build - here's the before & after.

Day 10 has a fairly ridiculous agenda. Shopping just down the street from the campground, then on to Valley of the Gods, Monument Valley, and hopefully to Moab before I need to be in front of a computer for an online fantasy football draft at 8:30. If you've been reading this, you realize I have spent zero time preparing for this draft, so I may just draft the entire Detroit Lions team.