Big Truck Across America - day 9

Day 9 - I could get used to this.  We awoke to the sound of the ocean (not this Ocean), piled out the door and watched a few surfers catching some early morning rollers.

We packed up our souvenir rocks (all the better to improve our 9.5mpg), banged out a quick Randy Quaid, and started the first leg of our return trip - San Diego (pronounced dee-ah-go) to Marne, MI. Seems like we left home about 3 weeks ago, we've both forgotten about our jobs and are convinced that we need to find a way to do this for a living.  Buuut... after seeing all the aging hippies in our campground this morning, that may not be the best decision just yet.

It took about an hour to get the Big Truck out of city driving (you have not driven until you have a wandering motorhome being cut off in 8 lanes of stop & go traffic with out of state plates), and when we finally made it to the foothills of eastern CA, we ran into more of the evil windmills. Close up they appear to be out of a bad Michael Bay movie (redundant), and it's only a matter of time until one of them works its way into a Final Destination sequel.

Beyond the windmills was another peculiarity - neither of us had ever seen anything like it.  The mountains around us as we approached the AZ border appeared to be just giant rockpiles. This went on for miles - so long that I started looking for facial features, just waiting for Ben Grimm (let the nerd comments flow) to appear.  See for yourself.

As we proceeded into Arizona, we got within sight of the USA-Mexico border (here's a border patrol station, the border is just beyond)

I was half expecting to be stopped by Sheriff Joe Arpaio, and then we rounded the bend and there was a mandatory border patrol checkpoint right in the middle of the highway. Once the border patrol officer realized that we couldn't possibly be more American (consuming fossil fuels at ludicrous speeds, pasty white & sunburned at the same time, and driving a Ford), he let us by without even asking for our papers or staging us at an internment camp.

Up ahead we saw a sign saying "Avoid overheating, turn off A/C next 5 miles on 6% grade", so I checked the weather forecast for Yuma and discovered that it was only supposed to get to 112 degrees. That's when the genious of the Ford engineers really paid off. Where is the best possible place for cupholders in a vehicle? Why not directly above the engine, and if you're going to put them there, why not space them out laterally so each can be directly over its own exhaust manifold? We have started timing it - a giant gas station 64oz big gulp full of ice will melt in under 10 minutes. Reason #1,000 that design engineers should be sentenced to use their own products for eternity.

Coming into Phoenix, we realized that everything looks like it has been built in the last 10 years. Either the taxes at Bill Knapp's and Menard's out here are enormous, or LifeAlert has a franchise on every corner.  We then passed University of Phoenix Stadium, home of the NFL Arizona Cardinals.

It started to make sense. If every highway overpass/access ramp is meticulously landscaped and manicured, why wouldn't those same financial savants give this guy $65M for 6 years after watching him throw 6 passes?

Our final destination was just north of Sedona, and it turns out that it is on Oak Creek Canyon road, which is exactly the same road that I raced an M3 convertible at 6:30am 9 years ago on my bike trip. Here is a small section of the road that should help you understand how much fun (and horribly irresponsible, Jordan - when you learn how to read) that was.

Anywho, just before we got to our campground, we needed to get groceries so we Garmin'd a grocery store and found one just 2 miles away. That 2 miles put us right in the heart of the Sedona shopping district. If you've never been there, let's just say that we stood out. An RV with a paint job of bug guts, red dirt, and 36 different gas station windshield washer fluid colors rolling into a Williams-Sonoma catalog apparently creates a bit of a reaction. The disapproving stares started immediately in the parking lot. My backward hat and
Kyle Orton-esque neckbeard were not to be tolerated in this 'burg.

Once we got to the campground, we quickly set up so we could get to Jordan's prize. At Legoland we had gotten her a Spongebob set (Patrick's Krabby Patty Kar, the Krusty Krab, Spongebob and Mr. Krabs) but didn't want her to lose all the pieces at the beach, so tonight was the night. We commenced with the build - here's the before & after.

Day 10 has a fairly ridiculous agenda. Shopping just down the street from the campground, then on to Valley of the Gods, Monument Valley, and hopefully to Moab before I need to be in front of a computer for an online fantasy football draft at 8:30. If you've been reading this, you realize I have spent zero time preparing for this draft, so I may just draft the entire Detroit Lions team.

Big Truck Across America - day 8

Day 8 began without a Randy Quaid, but with a goodbye and thank you to the Whitlocks and a trek southeast toward Legoland in Carlsbad, CA.  The route there took us through some Redlands canyon roads that were so much more suited for this than for a lumbering RV:

About an hour and a half later we were rolling into Legoland, and although I was inwardly extremely excited, Jordan started getting giddy as we pulled into the parking lot and started seeing 10' tall Lego constructions. Here she is right before both of us started saying "Come look at this!" to Kim for the next 6hrs.

From that point it was pretty much a whirlwind, from the miniature Manhattan (Kim's old stomping grounds) to the Castle,



to the playground, where Jordan turned into an American Gladiator, tackling whatever obstacle she could find.

That brought us to my personal favorite, the Star Wars exhibit. The only shots I'll include are from actual Star Wars movies, not the JarJar Binks happy meal toy-generators that most of the Legos represented. I enjoyed the Hoth battle scene (yep - huge nerd) and the giant Millenium Falcon (more on that in a second):

Yes, that is about a 6' replica of the Millenium Falcon, and if it were for sale, it would be strapped to the top of the RV right now.  There were also life sized versions of Threepio, R2D2, Chewy, Vader, etc. Jordan didn't quite understand the appeal, but she was willing to roll with it. I was even able to get my favorite character as the Big Truck's new keychain.  Here he is in his brief but lasting role:

From there we made it to Jordan's first driving experience at a Volvo-sponsored track for 3-5 year olds. Jordan has never driven a motorized vehicle, so the sight of her realizing that she could make the car go, steer, and crash into anything was something to behold. Here she is getting her inner Stig on.

Kimberly also satisfied some inner nerdery with a quick shot of her with Hagrid (no idea, had to get that from her).

After a mad dash through the Legoland store (think consumerism at nearly Mad Max levels - people were literally running around grabbing stuff like it was the last food available), we set out for our campground, which was 5 minutes away. As we pulled in, my neck beard and Detroit Lions hat must have made us look trustworthy, as the campground hosts gave us the good site across from theirs. Here is our view:

We walked down to the beach, and saw a group of surfers. No Johnny Utah or Bode, but some pretty talented guys. Then we caught Jordan's first Pacific Ocean experience on camera.

We played for a while, discovered that the rocks make a very unique sound when the surf comes in and pulls them back into the ocean. The sand was a mixture, about the same colors as a well-poured Black & Tan.

Then we got a quick family shot of our first visit to the coast. Yes, I am getting sunburned in this photo.

Jordan had made it the entire day through Legoland, the beach, etc without a nap, so about 10 minutes after getting back to the campsite, this was the scene inside the RV.

Overall this was one of the best days of the trip, just in a different way than the national parks. As I'm sitting here writing this listening to the waves crash, I'm also assembling this - and it's not for Jordan.

Day 9 - off to somewhere in AZ, travelling along the Mexican border through Yuma up to the Sedona/Flagstaff area. This is the official start of the return voyage.

Big Truck Across America - day 7

Picking up where we left off, we peeled out of Lone Pine, CA at roughly 8am local time. Again, the morning ritual included a Randy Quaid (my euphemism for emptying the gray/black tanks), but this time we added an LP gas fillup as a kicker. Running our refrigerator for 7 consecutive days nonstop had resulted in less than $20 of propane. That could be outrageous, but when stacked against our growing pile of gas receipts it seems like a paltry sum.

RV parks are an interesting microcosm of society. There are the road warriors (we fit mostly there) who are just using the sewer, power, and real estate for a 'via point'.  Then you have the lifers who appear to have spent multiple years amassing trinkets, tiny picket fences, engraved wooden plaques with clever sayings, Christmas lights, 'Keep off the Grass' signs on their astroturf lawn, and my favorite, the neon plastic wheel chocks/leveling blocks/sewer hose cradles/septic hose fittings, etc.

It just shows how prevalent the modification/aftermarket gene is in the American male. "Honey, if I spring for the neon orange high performance sewer hose cradles, this thing can handle over 35 dooks per minute!" For now, I've been able to avoid this, but I am genetically predispositioned to start having Performance RV Weekly start showing up in our mailbox.

CA 395 is a pretty boring road compared to our recent scenery, but my interest piqued just after Kimberly talked to her brother in law David on the phone & told him where we were. He mentioned that this was the area where they rode dirt bikes, and for the next 50-100 miles it was a flashback to my redneck youth. Dirt bikes, pre-runners, desert repli-racers, all were just cruising across the desert like a Motorstorm intro. Here's where they get to ride - so jealous.

I spent the next few hours imagining/wishing the Ford E350 would suddenly morph into this:



When we got close to David & Sherri's, we saw another plume of smoke in the air, and assumed it was either another elderly RV couple or Matthew McConaughey's house. Turns out it was a wildfire, which it turns out is not altogether uncommon in these parts.

After finally arriving at their place, it was a very welcome sight. Their house, completed in '09, is absolutely beautiful.  A Spanish-style villa nestled in the foothills above Yucaipa and Redlands, it feels almost like a resort with the high ceilings, 8' doors, and open, expansive floorplan.  Not to get all archi-nerdy on you, but the use of the large entryway and the covered/open patio spaces allows the living area to spill outside and you barely notice the transition.  Here's the Big Truck upon arrival.

Days 1-6 have been pretty hectic and somewhat scheduled, so this was a welcome reprieve - some lazy time to catch up with the family, tour the house/property, tell a few stories, go for a swim - just what the doctor ordered. What the doctor did not order was 101 degree heat. I don't care how many times I'm told that it is a dry heat, to a ginger anything above 65 is some level of orange or tangerine on the terrorist preparedness scale.

In the early evening things cooled off a bit to a balmy 87 degrees, and after Jordan's not nearly long enough nap (more on that later - she was a combination of Chucky and all the kids from Daddy Daycare), we walked down to feed the neighbor's horses.  There's comedy, there's high comedy, and then there is seeing a 3 year old's reaction to a horse naying (? nighing? half sneezing?) for the first time. Here's Jordan with cousin Kelsey trying to mask the sheer terror.

Later on we returned to the house for some pizza and cards - Kim claims her embarrassing showing at Peanuts was due to the time change, or the altitude.  Definitely not her fault.  I retired to the Big Truck with Jordan, who had just solidified the worst 'kid in an away from home situation' behavior possible. For pretty much the entire day, she was what my wife and old people refer to as a 'pill'. At least she was cooperative enough for a quick family shot on the front porch.

All told it was a great visit, and David, Sherri, & family (and Matt - the boyfriend, you seem like a good dude, treat her right) we can't thank you enough for your hospitality, generosity, and patience. Kids - sorry we couldn't get you out of going to school Monday morning, we were close...

Day 8 brings together Legoland (I have to be more excited about this than anyone) and a potential campsite on the ocean.  Stay tuned.

Big Truck Across America - day 6

Day 6 started out fairly early - we're still unsure of what time zone we are in, so I woke up at either 6am, 8am or 9am and found a nice spot at the picnic table before the rest of the campsite was awake. About 10 feet away an 8pt blacktail walked through camp, foraging for anything that wasn't locked up in a bear box.

For the record, the staff at Tuolumne Meadows campground are very, very, very concerned about generating paranoia about bears sneaking up on you, stealing your hamburgers (credit to Sug's friend Brian for that visual), and/or eating your porridge. They also appear very concerned about maintaining a steady supply of cannabis in the campground entrance booth.

Speaking of cannabis, once we got to the trailhead with our group of 10 hikers, the first hikers we encounters looked like a cross between Sonny and Cher, the post-running Forrest Gump, and the Dude.  There's not a lot of stress going on with a dude wearing a sarong while hiking.

After about a mile of hiking through some beautiful Sierra country,

we got to the good stuff.  Roughly 950ft of vertical gain in about a half of a mile. The trail provided a well-placed kick to the nether regions, while rewarding you with views like this when you could put your lungs back on the inside.

The rest of the hike was through incredible scenery, with boulders and foliage that looked like they came straight from an episode of "Land of the Lost", or as Laura put it, "all jungly".

When we reached the top, this is what we saw remaining to be conquered.

The best way I can describe what happens once you reach the top of that pile of rocks is that you are essentially doing a tightrope walk across the top of the world.  Have a look.

To say that this is pucker-inducing does not do it justice. You need equal parts stupidity, focus, and Flying Wallenda (not the terrible Chris O'Donnell version either) to make it across to the slightly larger end goal.  Once there, you get a panoramic view of Yosemite that I won't even attempt to explain.  Here's a view looking down at Half Dome and the valley. Unbelievable.

While all this was going on, Kimberly and Jordan were having an all-estrogen day in back at the Meadow, and they enjoyed themselves immensely.

Jordan busted out the serious boots for this adventure, then struck a "What that? Something else to fulfil my 7 second attention span?" pose while crashing the party of a family of Japanese tourists.

She is also developing an affinity for walking on rocks - here she decided to get a bird's eye view of the trail, and was able to locate it from her new vantage point.

When we all met back up at the campsite, the reality of getting back on the road was starting to set in. The group was collectively sharing war stories from the hike, and Jordan was once again excited to have company. Oldness was creeping into nearly every joint in my body, so we decided on a destination and packed up the Big Truck for another leg of the trip.
Huge thanks to Laura & Sug for coordinating the hike & the campsites, and it was great to hike with them, Tom, Chad, Brian, Stacy, Joreen, Mike, Lisa, and also thanks to Unruh for enduring the infinite levels of "why?" from an inquisitive 3 year old.

On our way out of Yosemite on Tioga pass, we got one final sendoff - this scene over Mono Lake.

Also, thanks to some of you for your concern, but we assure you that we were not the cause of this.  And here is footage of what started it all.

Day 7 will begin at a roadside RV park in Lone Pine, CA on our way to Kimberly's sister's house in Yucaipa.

Big Truck Across America - day 5

Day 5 started off just like anyone would want to start a day - by emptying the septic, Cousin Eddie-style "Sh*tter was full!".  We were on the road by 7am local time, high-tailing it to Yosemite to meet the Sugs and hopefully hike to Cloud's Rest.

After making our way across Nevada, we took UT56 to UT375, also known as the Extraterrestrial Highway.

Normally this road would be devoid of any traffic, and it starts out rather X-Filesish with a company called Alien Research Technologies, shortly followed by an official government sign warning of "Low Flying Aircraft Ahead".  What cluttered up the scenery was a caravan of Geocaching nerds participating in some sort of scavenger hunt/race.  Once we got past them, however, this is what we saw.


After a few hours of this, the only real question was if and when we would hit a cow.  We nearly got our answer, after watching Bessie and her sisters sprinting toward the road, we came to a full stop to let these four complete their journey so they could not drink anything in a different spot for the day.

Continuing our bargaining with a road-weary 3 year old, we promised a playground, but this time we had something special in mind.  Nearly 3 years ago, we took Jordan to Lake Tahoe and Yosemite for her 1st birthday.  At the time we stopped at a little county park at Mono Lake and let her play, so we took her back to the same place.  Here's the result.

We had also seen what we believed to be some sort of antelope crossing the road.  These are not to be confused with their cousins, the jackalopes or the ever elusive Basselope.

When we were just about to enter Yosemite, we discovered that gas in California (Lee Vining, to be exact) was just a shade under $5 (thanks Governator) and Jordan was bursting with excitement to be able to meet Mommy and Daddy's friends.  When we finally arrived at Toulumne Meadows campground, we were greeted by Sug's Tuskan Raider bark of "BEUTE!!!!"

At that point we set up shop at the campsite, greeted old friends and made new ones, and allowed Jordan's need for social interaction to drive 5 levels of "Why?" to everyone around the campfire.

Day 6 - I hike Cloud's Rest, Jordan and Kimberly have a day of girl time.  Updates to follow...

Big Truck Across America - day 4

Day 4 involved something very rare on this trip - sleeping in.  Since we're not quite adjusted to the time zone, but still stay up late, the collective 3 days caught up to us and we slept in til almost 8 local time.  After a quick pack up of the rig, we were ready to head out to Bryce Canyon for the day, roughly at 1.5-2hr drive.  We were about to find out that we were on the high side of the tolerance. On the bright side, we had this to distract us as we made our way through the 20mph mountain curves on the way to the tunnel.

After paying $15 to go through the tunnel just like all the cars that go through for free, we followed what may have been Bret Michael's tour bus through and then got in a construction zone for about 10 miles. The Big Truck has now taken on a bit of an orange hue from the red dust of the chipsealing operation in Zion.  It helps to hide the splattered junebugs and cicadas.

On our way out to Bryce, we noticed an aspiring artist standing in a field with an old school easel and palette, painting the landscape on the horizon and being true to his art (so he could sell it to a tourist for $50).

Once we got to Bryce Canyon, Jordan was really excited to walk on some more rocks and go for a hike.  For her, a walk means she is walking with us, a hike means she's in her backpack.  Today she wanted a hike, and we were foolish enough to choose Navajo Point.  As soon as she got a glimpse of hikers down on the canyon floor, she decided that's where we should be. Dad is old and fat, so we went a few switchbacks down and convinced her (long process) that would suffice.

One thing that has become quite apparent to us is that there are no Americans in our national parks - everyone seems to be from Eastern Europe or Asia. Please no one alert Glenn Beck of this, or our national parks will go broke.

After returning to Zion for the evening, we got a good shot of Checkerboard Mesa while waiting in another traffic jam.  We also came to the conclusion that construction workers out here really enjoy a nice giant bag of potato chips while they work, somehow it must help offset the heat.

As is becoming the trend, Jordan's reward for being so good in the park and in transit was some time at the playground and the pool. She's developed a knack for jumping into the pool, floating around like the Nirvana baby, then surfacing with gasp just frantic enough to get every stranger's attention.  Stop judging, foreign tourists.

For a nightcap we strolled over to the Whiptail Grill, a nice outdoor eatery next door.  The food, although delivered a mere hour or so after our order, was excellent, but the backdrop was the real kicker.  A rainbow developed during our stay and combined with the sunset to produce these images.

Tomorrow's plan is an early rise and a haul across central Nevada (always nice this time of year) to meet up with the Sugs in Yosemite.  Our planned route is the Extraterrestrial Highway to Highway 6, also known as the Lonely Road.  Encouraging...